I know it’s a gross image.
I was a very active child. I have the scarred up knees to
prove it. Climbing and falling out of trees. Falling while running. Falling off
bikes. Falling off the front stoop (or “steps” for you suburbanites). Falling
over a dog’s leash and breaking my wrist. Falling down the stairs…you get the
idea. With all of this adventure, I had plenty of scrapes and scabs. I was fascinated
with scabs, often picking at them until they bled, exposing the white flesh
inside. The blood was always cold and ran freely.
Anyway – this image came to me. Picking it is to keep
reopening a wound over and over again instead of letting it heal in its own
time. The process of healing seems unsightly so we try to skip over it and
speed it up ourselves. According to doctors, ripping off a scab before the
wound underneath has healed on its own increases the degree of scarring. The
same goes with our hearts before God.
One year I sat on a porch while on vacation overlooking a
beautiful landscape. As I journaled I basically cried in regret over the
previous 30 years of my life. 30 years of my life! I regretting
the whole thing – like throwing out the baby, the bathwater, tub and sink altogether.
I kept picking away at my failures, picking away at my sins,
picking away at things that went wrong, picking away at my hard years. Somewhere
in my heart I knew my thinking wasn’t “In Christ” at the time, but I felt so sorry
for myself I couldn’t help it until the blood came gushing out.
It was years before I sought the mind of Christ on this.
Thank God, He doesn’t get as hung up as I (and we) often do. In John chapter 4 when Jesus encountered the
oft-married-living-with-her-boyfriend Samaritan woman at the well, He didn’t
get into a whole sanctimonious speech about her wanton ways. He just pointed
out the facts, spoke to her deepest
need, and preached the good news. As a result, she didn’t feel condemned but
went and got the whole town, “I met this man who told me everything I ever did!”
She may have added, “He even knows all the men I slept with and that I’m a
serial bride!” I’m sure she was also
convicted of her sin but she spoke in amazement about the man. Not about her sin.
When the religious Jews brought an adulterous woman to
Jesus, rocks in hand, Jesus again made a simple statement, “Let He who is
without sin cast the first stone” (John 8:7), causing the men to walk away,
from the oldest (with more time to sin) to the youngest. When only the
trembling, guilty, adulterous woman was left He simply said, “Neither do I
condemn you. Go and sin no more”. That was it. No long lecture about how she
was a home wrecker, maybe had children out of wedlock, besmirched her name…
Nothing but “Go and sin no more”. If this woman then went home and started
reliving and dwelling on all of her sins, chances are she would be right back in another adulterous
relationship. And so it is with us.
The Apostle Paul states that “worldly sorrow leads to death.
But godly sorrow leads to repentance”. Worldly sorrow might seem religious with
its breast-beating and all, but if it comes from the wrong source I can guarantee
that the person will be trapped in their sin and far from God. It’s a vicious
cycle.
When I pick at the scabs of my sin and shame until I bleed,
then I am under condemnation, which is quite distinct from conviction – guilt which requires repentance. The bible says in
Romans 8:1 that “there is therefore now no
condemnation” for those who are in Christ Jesus.” We are “set free from the law of sin and death”.
How, then, shall I live? I can grieve for the mistakes and
iniquities of the past and accept Christ’s forgiveness, believing his Word that
I am “a new creation”. Or I can wallow in my sin and that of others as if
Christ never died for me, as if His forgiveness was not enough, as if I died
with Christ but was never resurrected.
One thing that I did to heal was to make scrap books for
different members of my family. In doing that I realized that there were many more good times than bad, and that
there were an awful lot of smiling, laughing faces in those pictures. That God
brought redemption throughout. Granted, we don’t normally photograph people
when they’re miserable, but it forced me to look at things in balance. I also
surrounded myself with people more mature than I, and started to believe their
counsel that “nothing is wasted. Everything is a lesson. And, that God can
redeem it all”.
It took a long time, but I can finally look back – even feel
sad at certain memories, but without the sting of remorse or shame. It doesn’t
do me any good, anyway. Was it messy and ugly to heal, just like a physical
scab is? Yes. As I let God heal me,
did the skin underneath finally heal, with a slight scar so I’d never forget
but minus the pain? Also: Yes.
Let’s stop picking and let Jesus do what He loves to do: restore.
Linda! Got this article from the Emotionally Healthy Woman retreat last weekend and it has really blessed me! Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteGod bless,
Heather Atria
Ps. It was a blessing to see you too!
Great seeing you, too Heather. Glad you were blessed.
ReplyDeleteSorry it took so long to respond Linda . Tears well up every time I read this article. Thank you for your transparency and courage. And my Lord's supernatural healing power. What a Mighty God. Sending it to others so they can be blessed and healed as well.
ReplyDeleteLouise R.