Could you not watch with me one hour?

I hate insomnia.
As I write this post at 1 a.m., I am reminded of this malady that has dogged me since childhood.It's either a blessed curse or a cursed blessing. I'm not sure which. On the one hand, it ruins my mornings because I'm zombie-fied during the best part of the day,yet it has always been my hiding place for journaling, massive time with the Lord, songwriting, housecleaning, and a (somewhat) quiet space for thinking.

When my now-adult children were little, I'd set them to bed and then sit up with my bible until I fell asleep exhausted. The Lord would often wake me up at 4 or 5am (He is no respecter of insomniacs) and I was actually obedient enough to crawl out of bed and sit with Him. Some of those times were just glorious visitations.

Now as an "old Grandma", I couldn't sleep if I wanted to on nights like this, and yet I find it so easy to find a million things to do before I finally decide to give these unearthly hours over to Him completely.

Jesus' closest disciples, Peter, James, and John, yielded to the temptation of untimely sleep when our Lord needed them, their companionship and their prayers the most. Isn't that just like the flesh? Insomniac Monday through Thursday, but throw in a Friday night prayer vigil and we can't keep our eyes open!

O Lord help me! I'm done fighting the fact that I will spend many more nights awake than I would like, and I embrace the fact that we have had amazing times together as a result. But when You...dare I say..need me the most, help me to "beat my body and make it my slave" so that I can consciously keep watch with you. Even if it is just to fall asleep in your arms.